im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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