he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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