There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
