he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
