Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Little spoons don't ask big questions
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
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