Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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