there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
