She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
