I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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