Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
