so that wasnt chicken after all
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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