just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Randomize