Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize