I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Be still, my beating vagina.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize