you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
