my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
