Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
