I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Randomize
