If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
