remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
