I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
