you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
