There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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