how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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