she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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