note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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