Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
