I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
