Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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