I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
