My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
