I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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