I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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