is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
