LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
