My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
