Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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