Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
