So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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