Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize