He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
