Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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