I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize