The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
