My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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