I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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