Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
