I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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