Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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