tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
