idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
