just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
