The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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