Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
