Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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