and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Randomize
