John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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