omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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