the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
