Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
