theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
