woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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