John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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