in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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