I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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