Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
