put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
