the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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