yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Dignity is for republicans.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
