Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
are you so shy because you have an std?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize