I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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