he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize