my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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