Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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