Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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