no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
