Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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