its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
