I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
