the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
