dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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