his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
