whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
