we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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