Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
