Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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