READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i barfeds in our rink
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
