god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
She is in my trunk
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
