My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
