ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
