4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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