Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
