Soap is not a condiment
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
