I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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