Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i came on her dog
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I had to cum in my sink.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
