i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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