dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
