I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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